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Old 5th August 2004, 02:02 PM   #7
BWelford's Avatar

Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Langley, BC, Canada
Posts: 88


I think, Bossbean, you may have picked up a quote I gave which was given 50 years ago by Peter Drucker, "Help is defined by the recipient". I heard it a long time ago and I've repeated it often.

It's tough to give advice because it can always be taken the wrong way. However I think if there is mutual respect between giver and receiver, then it becomes easier. That's because the helper really is trying to give help as they see it. Now perhaps the helpee may have heard the same advice a thousand times. However if you're gracious in thanking the person who offered the help, then others may be willing to chance giving you advice.

As a helper, I think it's important to make sure that you're not trying to show that you are better than the helpee, but merely may have a different perspective. I work as a coach with business owners. Very early on in the process, I always say something along these lines:
"I should mention that I tend to be very straightforward and direct in what I say. I try to be diplomatic and clearly it's only my opinion. However I think that is the best way I can give you good value."
Usually the other person answers, "Yes, that's exactly what I want. If you were only going to tell me what I knew, then there would be no point in having you here."
It doesn't avoid the difficult moments but at least you've signaled that they may arise.

As for Jean's business, I really liked what I saw. It looks to be a lovely family and they have a link to the Dolphin Marine Center. I felt I could relate to their situation well. Nevertheless when I hear Tin it gets me thinking in a certain direction. I thought quite a time before I wrote anything.

Since then, I keep thinking about Michaelangelo painting that Sistine Chapel ceiling in the Vatican. I think that Jean's ceilings could be in the same league from what I see. Might that be a possible theme? Well ... help is defined by the recipient.

Barry Welford
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